Sin Duda Nada

So it's been many moons, tonnes of studying, lots of drama and few existential crises but I feel like posting this on this fine evening from London. 

Much has changed both in terms of circumstance and my perspective on circumstances. I have 5 white hairs. And I feel a need to reinvent so I'm sure a hair colour change is upcoming. 

Mostly right now I'm in contemplation about friendships. I feel pretty lucky to have quite a few close friends and several 'friend groups'. It makes for some hilarious whatsapp group chats and it also means if one set is pissing you off you get to run to the other for comfort, as fairweathery as that may seem. 

Honestly I think most of my friendships are based on like-mindedness (or some degree of it) and being in the same place at the same time. 

I wonder sometimes who it is that I feel or should feel closest to. There's obviously those that are very much a part of present day daily life and maybe it should be them because they know the ongoing events in my life. But then the other older friends are kept up to date on my current circumstances- or at least important elements of them. Maybe I should be closer to people I overcame adversity with? Not to say that Soaks was adversity but there were many more-than-just-meh times and many blog posts later deleted because they were just so negative and depressing and I didn't want anyone to ever know I thought that stuff. And some of those guys (C) definitely tried to help me not cry way too many times and I guess there's a sense of gratitude there as well and an upcoming 5 year anniversary. And then there's the original homies. These are the people who've grown up with me who've known me as I changed and who've even understood the different friendships I've formed because they've seen me form them. They're probably the people tuned into the closest frequencies to me and the people I have in depth discussions about nothing to everything with and I'm not gonna say we agree on everything because that would be a blatant lie, but we agree on the important stuff. And I've known some of them 10+ years. And I still love them. It would seem there's an answer to my question but then again is there really? 

I've been told by a variety of people that I love too much/am too cuddly in nature and other such variations of the same thing but I think I've come to the realisation that yeah I maybe am more expressive than others- but I'm definitely wary in my friendships. And there's not many of my friends that I can say I love unconditionally. Right now I can only think of one but it might be that I've just seen her and I'm struggling to think of an occasion where she's upset me. Ultimately I don't think my original question really matters I just needed to let off some steam because certain friends suck sometimes mostly when you thought they were the awesomest and then suddenly they're kinda disappointing :P  

Oh well in the half drunk words of C and I, life is hard like a rock. But also, not really. Life is good and God is kind. Although I'm sure I'll be back in a month or two with an existential crisis, because we all know home-home and free time is the perfect recipe for that.

-[n][a][d][a][&][♥]