Where have all the young girls g o n e ?

Thursday, November 11, 2010 Posted In Edit This
They grew up. And they forgot how it felt to be alive.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't stop crying. Having cried myself to sleep the past week and having cried intermittently throughout the past few days I don't feel any better. The wort part is, I really can't identify what's wrong. I started crying when I was skyping with my mom, which was obviously a huge mistake because she got really worried. And I know that's not what she needs right now... She just kept asking 'what's wrong? What do you want to do?' I kept saying nothing. She took this to mean that I want to give up studying and just bum around. But that's not what I mean at all. There's NOTHING I want. If I was a sim, I feel like my aspirations panel would be empty. I just feel like everything is pointless. And I don't know what to do with that. It's not that I want to go home. But it's not that I want to stay here. If anything I'd like to curl into the foetal position and just sleep the rest of eternity away. And I don't know why I feel like this. I was SO excited. I was looking forward to all the possibilities my life could bring. And now I feel like whatever it brings, it won't be worth anything. It's midnight. And I'm exhausted from all the crying. And I'm crying again. It's better if I just go to sleep.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

;smells like teen spirit.

Sunday, September 12, 2010 Posted In Edit This
Today is Sunday :) I woke up saw the time and rolled over and fell asleep again. About 2 hours later the light was really shining and I couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to get up and brush my teeth. Then I climbed back in bed again and started working. I had omnomnom brunch at 11, and went to town, where we just stopped at Tesco's. I spent quite some time in the toiletteries aisle, being me, and loving nice smells and hence staring at shampoo and whatnot, though I already have some.


Treacle Moon Collection (click to enlarge)












Original Source Collection (click to enlarge)









-[n][a][d][a][&][]


















~ welcome to my { l i f e }

Saturday, September 11, 2010 Posted In , Edit This
First of all Eid Mubarak! I miss Ramadan at home and Eid at home redonkulously. And now, I'm sure the world would be delighted to hear about my average day here, at soaks.

Wake up 7:15. Breakfast 8:00. House Meeting 8:30. Lessons 9:00. Lunch 1:05. Lessons 2:20. End 4:10. Afterschool class/ Activity 4:15. House 5:00 (if I'm lucky). Shower 5:15. Supper 5:45. House 6:30. Tidy up/ Shower (if I hadn't time before supper) 6:35. Prep 7:00. End Prep 9:00. By this time it is 11:00 at home. Or 12:00 in the winter. Skype with parents 9:10. More homework 9:45. Depression and binge-eating 10:45. More work 10:50. Get ready for bed 11:30. Sleep 11:45 (if I'm lucky and don't stop for facebook/ twitter/ tumblr/ msn/ blogger along the way)

















(my room michealmas last year- not much has changed in the last 12 months other than the location of my room, the number of people in it - 2 to 3 to 1 now, and my workload)

It's Saturday tomorow, so after school tomorrow it's finally WEEKEND. Admittedly it's only one day and most of it will be spent of coursework, homework or UCAS. Oh well.

-[n][a][d][a][&][♥]
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Pet Rant (:

Monday, August 16, 2010 Edit This
I demand a pet.

Secretly I want a tiger cub or cheetah cub, I realise it's probably inhumane and that my pet might eat me when it gows up and that unlike Siegfried and Roy I am just not that cool, and so I will settle for a kitten. Heck I'll settle for a goldfish.

My mother says I'm irresponsible.

A family friends son had a cat in college named "The Dude". My mental image is that of a very stoned feline. I may have to adopt a college cat.



















^ that's Lola. The boarding house cat. Unfortunately it's a very unflattering photo of her. She's usually more smiley and her eyes are less satanic and her fur more chocolatey than pooey. I adore her. She spends more typing skyping my family than me. Alas, her motherly instincts led her to believe I was in need of hunting training and so she dropped a very alive mouse at my feet.

Miau.

-[n][a][d][a][&][♥]

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My (EXTREMELY lengthy, EXTREMELY pricey) Wishlist [;

Monday, August 09, 2010 Posted In Edit This
Section One
HEADPHONES [:
Exhibit (A) – Skullcandy G.I. Headphone Brown Stripe
S6GIBZ42£45-£60
Exhibit (B) – Skullcandy Skullcrushers Subwoofer
untitled £50-£75
Exhibit (C) – Urbanears Plattan Headphone Pink
urbanears £40-£65
Exhibit (D) – DIY Lego Headphones (if only I could DIY them)
lego
Electronics Degree Needed ;]



















Section Two
SHOES [:
Exhibit (A) – Iron Fist Muerte Punk Platforms  (Turquoise&Red)
iron-fist-muerte-punk-platform-high-heel-shoes-electric-blue-9-105089-225-1245407241000
£45-£55 also in Charcoal&Purple and Charcoal and Green (and in flats)
Exhibit (B) – Iron Fist Wolfbeater Platform
 iron-fist-wolfbeater-platform-high-heel-blkred-7-3003026-225-1265468757000
£45-£60 (i LOVE these. tried them on and they were AMAZINGG) also in flats.
Exhibit (C) – Iron Fist Zombie Stomper (Purple&Green)
Zombie-Stomper-Purple-platform-heels
£40-£65 also in Green&Pink (and in flats)
Exhibit (D) – Iron Fist Killer Cupcake Th’uggs
img-thing
£35-£50 also in White (and Platforms)
Exhibit (E) – Dr.Martens Hot Pink Patent Lamper 
11821670
£70-£80
Exhibit (F) – Dr.Martens 1460 Blue Little Flowers 
11821407
£70-£90


















Alas what one wants one cannot always have, especially with such an extravagant price tag.  Aand it’s all still redonkulously expensive on ebay.
-[n][a][d][a][&][]

¬ foggy London town’s not built for me or y o u .

Thursday, July 29, 2010 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This
image

Little Miss Pipedream

by The Wombats

I think the postman intercepts everything I try and send to you
'Cos he's infatuated and he's the fulcrum between us two
And I can't say I blame him 'cos I'd cheat a priest just to get to you

She works in a dental practice 9 'till 5 how does she manage?
Considering her nights don't pass out 'till 3
So I guess that flossing is he last thing in her health routine

And I don't mind that she gets hammered and goes home with other guys
There's no jealousy 'cos she's little pipedream fantasy

I saw her slam back tequilas like Oliver Reed on an Irish stag doo
And I'll wait if you stay because foggy London town's not built for me or you
Don't leave Miss Pipedream 'cos I love you

And I don't mind that she gets hammered and goes home with other guys
There's no jealousy though she'll grind it out with friends but not with me
She's my little miss pipedream fantasy

It’s fiiinally SUMMER (: I’m soo relieved. Don’t get me wrong, this year has been amazing as well. I feel like I made the right decision going to Sevenoaks. My IB grades my have been the same at Conti, or perhaps even better- in the sense that it’s not as if my grades are going to measure up to my genius friends’ who are still back there- but I think I made a good choice. I’ve learned so much and grown up a whole lot- (I can do laundry, grocery shopping, internet banking, train hopping and I know that trust has to be earned and is very easily lost)- I may not seem at all different but I know I think differently. The year has FLOWN by, but it hasn’t been effortless AT ALL.

I knew from last summer that living with people is not easy no matter how great your friendship is. And that was just a month. This has been a whole YEAR. And there a couple of people who have managed to SERIOUSLY PISS ME OFF towards the end. Luckily a couple of others have been amaaazing. I’d just like to say though, that just because I’m generally laid-back and easy-going does NOT mean you can take advantage of my chilaxedness.

The end of term was nice other than coursework deadlines. EE day was fun, I really loved my lil funghi! ToK presentations was stressful but it’s nice to feel like you’ve accomplished something when the jobs are done. CAS completed too! And we’ve all got a pretty good idea of our predictions now :/ .We played a lot with the BHM’s kids and the ABHM’s kids and the new ABHM’s kids. Aaand I won a Bio Prize- granted it was just a lame merit one, so I didn’t get it at prize-giving on Founder’s Day but I was hella pleased. My rooming next term looks good as well, Michaelmas I pretty much have my own room except that C’s room is inside mine so it’s soooort of like sharing. And Lent I have my owwn sunny room with a sink. Yayy (:

The summer has started off well. I spent the first few days with Nanaboo and that was nice as Situ buys nice cherries and apricots. Though they’re taste in restaurants is pretty lame :P . I began shadowing Fuad Chacha in Guildford and that was AMAZING. Staying with Nanaboo was funny because he’d get really concerned for no reason. One morning before heading off to Guildford I left the flat earlier than usual, simply because I was done getting ready earlier. Apparantly he got reeaally worried and woke everyone up to look for me. Ahahaha. Then parents and sisters came, and the dadu came which as always was a slight source of tension. Ah well. The I went off to Luton to do more work experience there.

Soo Guildford. It was sooo amazing. FC is an interventional radiologist. I spent a lot of time following him around which was cool because while his job comes with slightly more mundane tasks like CT, MRI and X-ray reporting and doing Ultrasounds, he also does procedures like putting in Groshan Lines and PEGs and NG tubes and even more excitingg Embolisation of Fibroids! But he also arranged some time for me elsewhere. I spent some time at a Gynae Clinic with a Mr.Diab. I was of course over-excited that he was Arab (Egyptian as it turned out) and furthermore pleased when he recognised my name as being from Arabic. He was a slightly cold man, and most of his patients in the cinic were anxious women. I met in his clinic a Med Student from Prague. Who told me about her Uni and her friend who had a baby in her 3rd year at Med School but Came 3rd in the Year while pregnant and 1st in the year once the kid was born ahahaha. Also I spent some time in the CT room and saw some CT colonscopies where they basically stick a tube into the poor souls back passage and inflate them. I also spent some time in the Endoscopy Unit which was pretty cool. The doctors seemed to enjoy laughing at patients who were not around or unconscious :P. Saw tubes going in both ends there. That was my first week. Second week was equally fab if not better. I got to go to Oncology and SHADOW THIS GREY’S ANATOMY LADY. Dr.Stuart. She was so cool. She looked like a cross between Meredith Grey and Arizona Robbins. And she was hardcore. I saw her do a Radiotherapeutic Procedure on this lady with Cervical cancer and it was soo hardcooore. And then I was in her Oncology Clinic and it was amazing to see how she dealt with the patients giving them good new and really really bad news. ( I thought I was going to cry at one point when she told this woman who was in sever pain because of cancer in her lymphnodes in her leg, that the radiotherapy and chemotherapy they’d done for her had made no difference, and her metastasis were just growing and basically there was nothing they could do except try and ease the pain. It was all made worse because her mother had juuuust found a tumour in her own breast and was having a mastectomy.)  In oncology I also met Dr.Saleh. Again I was overexcited as he was Arab. He asked me if I knew what my name meant, which of course I did since other than my mother telling me, my name in Arabic used to be written on the Johnson Baby Cologne and the English meaning used to be written under it :) . Anyway he was Iraqi. I liked him he was also pretty cool. And quite Grey’s like, all the nurses flirting with him ahaha. The doctors were pretty funny, at one point I was sitting in a room with Farid, Jermaine (an Afro-Caribbean Consultant) and another  Afro-Caribbean Consultant. Farid was staring at the other one who was wearing a black shirt with white stripes. And the guy goes “What you staring at, man? Have you never seen a black man before?” and Jermaine goes “No he just hasn’t seen TWO black men before” and so the other guy says “Hey, what’s your probem Chemical Ali” (please note, Ali pronounce Aa-lee) and Farid says “Nothing, it’s just your shirt, I thought you’d done some skin painting or something.” One of the afternoons when there was interventional radiology, this old fellow cam to have an NG tube put in from the ITU and he just suddenly stopped breathing on the table. There was a crash cart and everything, and they were pushing atrophine and adrenaline and idk what.  The next day I spent in ITU where I made more friends. There was a Paki doctor doing her fellowship and she was really nice, and a Med Student from Southampton in her fifth year, and she examined a guy with Pneumonia and she let me listen to his crackles! The consultant there wasn’t as cool but her underlings were really nice. I got to see an arterial canula being put in and there was al this blood spurting it was pretty awesome. I also a woman who smokes 100 cigarettes per day (no joke) and apparently around her house she had buckets and buckets for her sputum. The next day, Mr.Diab, who appeared to have taken a shining to me, invited me to his OR and I saw a C-section! At one stage I was worried that I was going to faint, and the anaesthesiologist told me “if you start to feel light-headed SIT ON THE FLOOR”. But I didn’t want to sit on the floor, you can’t see ANYTHING from the floor. So i just hung on to the wall ahahaha. It was pretty brutal, Mr.Diab was basically ripping her uterus open on the way in. And then BAM all of a sudden he’s in and there’s a head and then there’s a baby. Which immediately started screaming. It was a she. Then they took out the afterbirth and put it on a platter. And by that stage I wasn’t woozy any longer so I went closer and hovered over as he sewed up the different layers comprised of her uterus and the lining and the fat and the skin.  WAH SO COOL. But enough to convince me abstinence is the way! forever! Anyway then this consultant from A&E came to ask FC about the x-ray of some guy who was a Tree-Surgeon (I have never before heard of this term) and fell out of the Tree and basically snapped his ulna so that the head of the bone was at ninety degrees to the rest of it. When he explained who I was she asked if I wanted to come over to A&E. of course I did! It was not very eventful, alas. There was a guy with a bee sting. And also a 99 year old man who had fallen off his chair at home and had been brought in and was totally disgruntled and kept trying to run away. By the end of it, as well as making friends with the students and some of the younger consultants and the Arabs I was pretty chummy with the nurses who I was scrubbing in with. (I LOVE SCRUBS BTW. I don’t even mind that they smell weird.) Overall Guildford was WOW.

The next week I was in Luton, at a Day Care for people with learning disabilities. At first I thought it was going to be kids, like at the Help Centre. But it was so different. They weren’t kids they were all adults, which made it even sadder in some ways. And the first 6 days I was in the unit known as Neptune. They were the most severely disabled. They were all in chairs, unable to walk and furthermore they can’t communicate. So at first you feel like they’re babies, drinking from doidy cups if they are able. And when it hits’ you that they’re not babies at all, with the youngest being in their 20s or 30s and the oldests reaching their 60s it’s  just so heart wrenching. But they’re so lovely, you can’t help but adore them. I got to see PEGs that I’d seen put in in Guildford in use, and I actually was allowed to, in secret, do a flush myself. (don’t tell Health and Safety). At times it’s a bit awkward in that you don’t know what to call these people, I kept wanting to say “the kids”, but they’re not at all. And they’re not students either because strictly speaking it’s not a school. So I had to call the customers. I had favourites of course, Alan, who I think was probably the most able, and communicate to some extent- and then Jason, who smelled odd because he drooled a lot, but idk why I just took to him. They had a “Fun Day” where we did some wheel-chair races while I was there. And then one day we went to the Afro-Caribbean Centre there, which was basically a place for the elderly Afro-Caribbean community to chill. We took Lyds and Shazza and people kept mistaking them for kids- it was so sad to say stuff like, oh no, she’s not 2, she’s 32. And stuff like that. I made friends with the staff at the centre as well, and the Jamaican ladies really liked me. They’re so funny I love how they talk. The last day I was with a different group, Mars. Their primary carer was a lady called Najwa. (More Arab overexcitement. I’d just like to say when I see Arabs in London or something I avoid them. It seems I am following that old Green Day song “I wanna be the Minority”) . Anyway in Mars they were making their own tea and playing football with me (actually most of them where a whole lot better than me). They were lovely as well. I was asked to make this poor guy some tea, and me, the least house-wifey person on EARTH, had never made tea before. From instant coffee I had a vague idea that you did tea bag and sugar, and then hot water and then milk. But I didn’t really know about the proportions , especially since I like my coffee weaaaaak and sweeeet. So poor Andrew’s tea was practically milk. It was so white. I felt sooo bad, but I was just praying that he’d drink it up before anyone saw it. Poor Andrew couldn’t talk either and couldn’t even complain. Actually I was curious to know what the customers at Bramingham’s disorders and syndromes were, but they don’t generally keep a record. Lydis had Rett’s Syndrome, and I could tell some like Imad had down’s syndrome from their appearance. But I couldn’t tell with Andrew. But not long after, in the book I was reading, it mentionned Angelman’s syndrome and had a description about the characteristics of those who suffered from it, and I realised Andrew fit the profile.

So other than work experience I’ve been doing the fun stuff to. I got to see a couple of my biffles from Jeddah and one of my childhood friends who’d since moved and HONEYY (: and also some of my mom’s friends who I like. And we did the cool stuff like eating at Rainforest Cafe and Princi and Hard Rock Cafe and other places. Pictures on my tumblr. Went to Primark and somehow survived, gaining a good deal of shopping. We also went to see Eclipse, Toy Story 3 and Les Miserables, And there are plans to see Cats and Dogs 2 and Tap Dogs and possibly Inception.

Alas, I wish, since I’m not really doing anything useful in this coming week, we could have gone home earlier, but at that stage I thought I’d need all this time. I’ll only have 3 weeks at home and it will be Ramadan and as I havent started my EE at all or my Chem CW or my 111 Math Qs or my revision for my Chem Test or even UKCAT prepping I’m basically screwed. (:

On that note, I think I will sign off.

-[n][a][d][a][&][]

-( Set your sights for the s u n .

Friday, June 11, 2010 Posted In , , Edit This
OKAY EPIC GUSHY HAPPY MOMENT. (yeah I know shocker since I always complain) Ms.N just told me: "Oh you're so good, N. You'll make a fantastic doctor." SHE WILL NEVER KNOW HOW HAPPY SHE MADE ME. I feel so joyful. Today was a nice day lots of fungus and little children with disclosing tablets. I be a happy bunny.

-[n][a][d][a][&][]

; count your [blessings] now.

Saturday, June 05, 2010 Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This



                                      













Hello hello.

It has been  some time since my last post so I decided to use HTML to make a table! (USE INTERNET EXPLORER. they look nicer that way. They’re not too bad with Opera but they’re ICK with firefox, and I’m not sure about with Safari.)  I am back home in sunny Saudi Arabia (: my exams were something like a disaster. And after numerous fits of crying and doses of bonjella (mouth ulcers galore) I was thrilllled they were over and there was a week til I was going home. In actuality, having gotten most of my marks back they weren’t awful. There were some disappointments and some pleasant surprises. Maths was actually a pleasant surprise. It was the last exam and I spent all Saturday crying. My mom was of cause epicly worried, thought I was depressed, suggested I apply to “less competitive” universities or perhaps switch Math HL to an easier subject or even take a gap year. This didn’t help at all. I didn’t want any of that I just wanted a good mark in Maths. Anyways when I got back my mark it was a hell of a lot better than I had thought. Me and C were the best 2 in the class. Obviously, if I had taken History or French at HL at the start of the year, my mark probably would have been better. But I LIKE Maths. And I told my mom she was discouraging. And now we’re compromising. (:

Anyway tomorrow I go back to stupid school. I spent the whole break playing Sims 3 (woo my legacy is at generation 4!) and watching Fringe (EPIC EPIC SEASON FINALE) and basically being useless. My friends here are all cooped up with there exams alas. I have discovered that I’m better at religion in less religious countries. I seem to have a kink in my brain. Oh well.

I cannot wait for summer. SERIOUSLY . I know that in actuality I’m goign to be uber busy but I don’t caaaare. Summer Term is going to be filled with EE and TOK presentation and English Orals and COURSEWORK galore. Oh well. I shall have to be more productive. I was thinking of going to Open Days. But they seem to be a waste of time, filled with people dishing out prospectuses which can be found on the internet.

I hope I have time to go to London on the weekends. After exams I went that weekend and met my cousin and also Auntie I for the first time in ages. She’s really cool.

I’m strangely excited about university applications!  I see my taking this back in the future. I hope some of my friends Uni in the UK too. Actually I think firstly I reaally hope I get in to the UK ahahah. OH gosh Upper 6th are all headed off to Uni. Well actually, not until like October, for now from facebook it seems they’re partying it up in Amsterdam and goodness knows where else :P GIH is going to be so empty. At the end of term, the Alpen Bars and Eggs were lasting for DAYS with only the French B U6 left in the house! These two years are going to flllyyy by epicly fast. It feels like I just GOT to Sevenoaks but I’m already halfway there to leaving it! We’ve already got our little sisters and last year at this time I had just got an email from my big sister! –sigh- I know it sounds stupid but I never expected to live this long. ahahha.

Oh last night I had this epic dream. I was in a battle. M was also there idk why. Anyway the battle was happening in this huge mansion. This little kid from the other side grabbed my arm, but I twisted his wrist and broke free. Then I ran into the house looking for a place to hide. I found a bathroom and hid in the bathtub. But then I heard somebody at the door. So I hoisted myself up using the shower curtain railing and hid on top of the towel rack. It was epic, but then my mom woke me up :(

I think I shall depart now. I’ve spent ages at this computer. Largely on Ebay. I definitely have an addiction. I ‘ve bought cliffnotes and revision guides and shoes and a pocket watch. And before I came I bought two seasons of the Cosby Show fr my mom, but which we’ve all been watching. Also my sister is sitting nearby and she is “sick”and she keeps snivelling and sighing and it’s annoying. How I’m going to make it as a doctor I don’t know.

-[n][a][d][a][&][]

 

Who Knew

by Pink

 

You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's right
I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh, that's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no, no no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
But they knew better
Still you said forever and ever
Who knew? Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened?
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
And that last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?
My darling
My darling, who knew?
My darling I miss you
My darling, who knew?
Who knew?

>> damn.regret. i'll try to f o r g e t .

Saturday, May 01, 2010 Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This
WAHAY it's exeat alreadzzz. Yeah, I've been back for like a week ahahaha. I'm at Canterbury right now staying with Grandma. I think I gave her the fright of her life when I randomly turned up on her doorstep :P I was supposed to be staying with Aunty Memo, انّا للہ و انّا الیہ راجعون , Uncle Pete passed away. It's so awful,and upsetting. He was still so young, and I just can't believe it. I keep seeing him dropping me at Heathrow before San Diego, and oh gosh it's awful. They were getting ready to retire to Goa and they were so excited and she's ALL alone now. I really wanted to go see her, but anyways I'm here for now. Thankfully her family's all gone to stay with her this weekend. It happened while I was at home. I really want to see her before half-term.
I took a direct train from Soaks to Canterz, but I managed to leave my wallet in my bedside draw at school like a moron, and thus did not have my debt card. However my LOVELY matron dropped it to me at the station on her way home. So after lost wallets, dying phone batteries, lacks of chargers and whatever else I got here okay. I love taking the train. The scenery on the way was something even I (the nature hater) could appreciate daffodils and whatnot, and I took photos like a touristy loser. Sadly, the photos out the window were nowhere near as clear as the photos of my handbag and legs ahahaa.





Anywayss, I am so shleepy. I stayed up really late last night to finish off my History IA and Bio stuff. MEH. I was falling asleep in English (AGAIN! i cannot read ANY of my notes I am DEAD for my oral.) and I was pleasantly surprised to find I did not sleep through a talk from Nottingham Uni, (I’m thinking I might apply there though they only have room for 29 kids ). Also I had a Piano Mock, (FAYYYAAALLL) and I got my Violin Cert. Also There was a moles revision session for the people who got 39% on moles (coughmecough) with SMO. SMO is my badminton coach too, he’s pretty damn cool. I FLUNKED MY TOK ESSAY. I got a “low B”, like 60%. WAA. THIS WEEKEND SHALL BE FULL OF DETERMINATION –prays- granted it’s not happening tonight what with my sleepiness. Tomorrow I have to go by spices for my EE. HAHA. Admittedly one of the reasons I was up so late last night was because the night before we all played truth or dare. It was pretty fun, but by the end we weren’t taking turns we just through questions out there :P It seems to have reignited my interest in the male sex oddly enough haha.
I think I will go to be now or something. Sorry fans! (Who am I kidding nobody reads this, which is great I guess, except my little chatbox is so sad.) I don’t really know why I typed this out anymore. I think I just like the noise of the keys. Maybe I’m becoming stir crazy like my upper sixth. The last fun they had must have been M.U.D where they painted our faces as jokers.
anyhoo goodnight -[n][a][d][a][&][♥]



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

&let the [rain] fall d o w n ;

Wednesday, April 21, 2010 Posted In , , Edit This
Okay so I'm lying in bed thinking. Earlier Heathrow opened which made me realise I could be jumping on a plane at any time. And then I got that feeling. The one that's going to have me crying myself to sleep the first night back. This stay has been tooo long and I've become too attached again. Admittedly while I'm here the parents whose hugs I long for from there annoy me greatly. They argue SO much . The good thing is when I get back I'm going to be SO swamped it's not even funny. I don't know how to motivate myself to work either. I remember what did it last time but I'm not sure if it will work this time. Especially since I'm even less confident. I feel like a failure so often these days but I still don't seem to do anything about it. There's nobody I can tell that stuff to either. Pride holds me back from telling those I would have told before and my parents they get so worried when I start crying about these things. I think my mom really thought I was clinically depressed for a while. Another good thing about going back is hopefully I will be less distracted my cool opera browser will not work disabling Twitter and Blogger for some time. My iPhone will not work disabling MSN and greatly limiting facebook. I suppose I'll only have to deal with being distracted by nice roommates and friends upstairs wanting to chat. I know whose system I want to follow and I'll just have to push myself. It'll have to start from tomorrow. I've GOT to finish two Chem sheets and at least one chapter of Maths. Oh gosh how am I going to do that when I'm up at this time. Goodnight x


(it's a glow in the dark star)
-[n][a][d][a][&][]

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

HEY ya fergot la YOGURT !

Sunday, April 18, 2010 Posted In , , , , , , Edit This
Okay soo I am supposed to be flying back to school tonight... but it looks like that is not happening today thanks to our beloved icelandic friend "HEY ya fergot la YOGURT" more formally known as Eyjafjallajökull. Apparently the yogurt thing is how your supposed to pronounce that delightful word. Anyways, though it may seem like I'm not in the least upset about Mr.Volcano foiling all my "back to school & studying" plans because i'm sitting here and blogging and have not packed and am not catching up on ANY of the work i was supposed to do, I AM. I AM ANNOYED because now I'm going to waste EVEN MORE time. This holiday was TOTALLY unproductive and I'm REALLY FREAKING SCARED fo my upcoming summer exams which determine my predicted grades WHICH BASICALLY DETERMINE THE REST OF MY LIFE. Anyways now that I've ranted all that out, I'm going to waste some more time. KTHXBAI. 



for the record the weird repeating drone in the background is how wikipedia pronounces Eyjafjallajökull.


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“Oooh who do this beat?”

Thursday, April 01, 2010 Posted In , , , , , Edit This
Okay so I really like the song Short Black Boy by MI. Ahahaha. I’m at home for EASTERR. This break is never going to be long enough. I have got TOK essay, History IA and a ridiculous amount of revision for our Lower Sixth Exams (on which predictions are based) to do. Furthermore, I’m volunteering weekday mornings from 8.30 to 2.00 at the Help Center. It’s really fulfilling and I really like the kids. (they seem to like me as well as I have been the cause of several jealousy fuelled shouting matches).
There's one girl who is soo tiny and cute I think she has congenital polio and she always talks to me and does these loops of the same conversation that are like "fain Maraam" (where's Maraam) at which point I respond here. Then she goes "esh ismak" ( what's your name) and I go Nada. And then she goes "tuhibbeenee?" which means "do you love me?" AAH she's so cute. I really love them they are adorablee it makes me feel so sad for them though. A pretty cool advantage is that my Arabic is improving :P
Today we went out in celebration of Reem’s birthday. We went to this unfindable place ahahaha. I really liked what I wore so (OMG) I’m going to have a slight fashion blog/ what I wore moment :O yeah, strange.

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my mom’s old navy blazer, some random white lacy cami, a grey frilly skirt from Primark ♥ , my mom’s old navy lacy tights and my white 5” New Look heels! Oh yes and I French Braided my hair into a bun! Yeah the photos are not fabulous but whatevz.
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Currently I am depressed due to my iPhone losing it’s unlock and jailbreak, with no upcoming fix soon enough :( I MISS BABYBOO SO MUCH POOR LIL IPHONE. Everytime I go to Heathrow I spray Thierry Mulker’s Alien all over the pink cover ahaahha.
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& are we going up; or just going down?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010 Posted In , , , Edit This
today i talked to the old him. it was nothing in that way, i just feel low again as he expressed anguish at his worst subject in which he has a six. i barely make a six in anything. i feel like this a lot these days. i could have messed up my IB just as well from the comfort of my own home. anyway i can’t really cry to anyone, as the old ones are quite often cold and mocking. also to some extent i have severed some of those ties. the new ones have no such problems and i am a proud person. my mom freaks out at the faintest sign of tears and gets overly worried. my sister thinks her life is hard. ha. eh whatever it's just another bad day.

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...to the window, to the wall!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010 Posted In , Edit This

Today, whilst leaving the dinner queue I found I had forgotten my glasses and had no idea where my friends were sitting. So I asked my friend and she said “To the window!” Which sparked this: