Are the angels on their way? I'm in the dirt.
Thursday, October 29, 2015 Posted In lonely , sad Edit This
I long for the stillness of being without really being. I can't explain it well.
But often I tire of myself so much that I try to sleep just to not spend time with me. I come up with fake plans and reasons so I don't have to spend time with myself.
And right now in this huge bed I'm trying to merge myself with this wall beside me because walls don't think or feel they just stand there and everything happens around them but they don't have to join in and paint smiles on themselves.
Next to this wall in this massive bed I feel so small and I love it. I love feeling small because it's almost like my outside could reflect my inside. I often wish I looked as small as I felt because this body that I hate so much doesn't make clear how timid and pathetic I feel. I love it when I hurt and cover myself with bruises because it's almost like you can see what I feel on the inside: damaged and blemished and ruined in such a sickening way.