Sin Duda Nada

Little one came to visit me last night (as usual, he went out of his way, I'm so grateful for his friendship) and amongst many random things we discussed the impending holy month. I'm looking for something so so hard and for a while now he's been on of my favourite people to speak about this to. Although I very much view him as being a little one I also look up to him and admire him in numerous ways. One thing I've always wanted to be more like him with was in terms of his faith (mA), and moreover his ability to have reason intertwined with that faith. 

He often has a perspective on things which helps me see clearer and which gives me some comfort, and that was the case yesterday. This little chunk I really appreciated. 

What confounded me a little I guess was that he said he too had some of the same goals as me. I'd never have viewed him as being flawed in the same way as I feel I am, but he had the same hopes for betterment as I did. I guess it's true what they say, nobody's perfect and there's always room for improvement. 

In fact of late I've had interesting conversations with two of my closest , most valued, most reliable, level-headed friends (mA) where I've been taken aback by the flaws they perceived in themselves that in many ways I viewed as aspects of their characters that conveyed strength, that I would aspire to have. 

Zuzi has always been what I would describe as mature. Even at 15 she was never one to back bite or gossip really, and I never remember her indulging in fickle passing fancies like many of the rest of us seemed to. I mean I never really thought much into whether she just didn't feel like that or whether she just wasn't one to display her feelings outwardly. Either way, I liked that about her. I liked that she to me was steady and not petty. The other day she told me she was trying to be more open. I was mildly horrified. I think what I said was something to the effect of "that's nice and all but I don't want you to feel obliged to tell me about dates you've been on or frustrations you've felt, like I've loved the 10 years of friendship we have, even if it didn't entail much of that".  She insisted though that she wanted to improve on opening up to people.

I also had a conversation with Fee recently that threw me off a little. She's always been one with a strong moral compass and a sense of what is doing good to others and what is blatantly not. She's lovely and kind and someone I feel like a genuine, down to earth,  good, kind human being. I'd trust her to do me right as best as she could in any situation. Recently, I essentially asked her if she'd think less of me for some of my previous... waywardness. Actually I think I asked if she wouldn't be able to be friends with me any longer. (I was being a little dramatic as I am prone to). She was quite appalled and said something like "what must you guys think of me to believe that?" and then she went on to say that she was consciously trying to be less judgemental. This really startled me because judgemental was never something I would have thought of her. Though she may be very aware of right and wrong she is by far one of the most laid back people I know and far be it for her to try and impose her ideals on another. 

Basically what I'm trying to say (in a very roundabout way) is that none of us are perfect. What you think are another's merits they may perceive as their own flaws, which is in large part because we are all harsher on ourselves than anyone else. So be kind to yourself, but also, when you recognise something about  your character you want to sculpt a little further, that's what life is about: living each day trying to be better than the last.